Comedian Quotes

For a good chunk of Israelis, it doesn't matter who is in power when it comes to dealing with the Palestinians. Their focus was more on economic issues.

I'm officially middle-aged. I don't need drugs anymore, thank God. I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

You guys are the best. I'll see you in a couple of hours. I haven't seen another human being in 13 hours and I'm running out of bottles for my urine. Later guys!

Yes, this is Mango himself. Listen I'm terribly busy and don't have time for a phone interview right now.

My friends tell me that I've calmed down, that I seem more centered. I don't know, I think my inner self was more hollow before, which made me more scattered, and more needy to get laughs.

It's fun for someone to poke fun at himself.

It's a different thing shooting for 10 weeks in India as opposed to on a set on stage pretending you're in India.

It sounds gross to say that I like myself more. But not everyone likes themselves that much. Especially in the comedy world.

In Hollywood, what they last saw you in is what you are. It's hard to break away from that.

In Hollywood, moviemaking used to be about escaping reality to go to the movies.

If it weren't for The Groundlings, I would never be on Saturday Night Live.

I'm fine with the life I have.

I'd love to have a child. Either one or 40. I love kids.

I understand what my gift is, which is making people laugh, hopefully. It's more on that level. I don't need to be a leading man, I'm fine with that.

I love traffic. It's fantastic. New York traffic is so relaxing.

I like women who are okay with who they are.

I like light green, sometimes red is fun to look at, not a fan of yellow, unless it's in a rainbow or on a coffee mug or on a happy face.

I can't stop being in parades. I just love dancing on floats that move really slowly on the city streets in the early morning.

Here in L.A., there are a lot of dead spots, and you have to drive to find energy, but all of India is so energetic.

Being able to improvise is the basis for creating all characters and situations, for everything to do with performing, really. And it's good therapy as well.

I'm not trying to sound like I turned into some kind of wise man, but it's nice to realize that your little pocket of the world isn't the whole world.

I wish I was dating one of the ladies in 'Bollywood Hero.' They're gorgeous. Any of them.

Believe in yourself and try not to take anything personally.

You know, I've never thought of myself as a comedian.

We will definitely not burn the Koran, no. Not today, not ever.

We think of medieval England as being a place of unbelievable cruelty and darkness and superstition. We think of it as all being about fair maidens in castles, and witch-burning, and a belief that the world was flat. Yet all these things are wrong.

We are, of course, now against any other group burning Qurans. We would right now ask no one to burn Qurans. We are absolutely strong on that. It is not the time to do it.

The funny thing about history is that we imagine that people didn't laugh in the old days, but of course they did, at stupid things.

Some people are passionate about aisles, others about window seats.