Comedian Quotes

But I'm real conscious about what I do. I don't care what the label is. I'm looking at the outcome of it.

Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I'd never used it. I'm 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.

We've all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, that's all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, it's just that there are vested interests telling us not to bother.

There are lots of things I could have done for the money, but I've made a great living doing the things I want to do.

The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.

People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.

No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.

My parents were secular. I am an atheist.

My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they've read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!

If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.

I'm lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.

I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.

I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but it's a risk worth running.

I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition - and I have never suffered from it.

I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.

I loved writing 'Two Brothers' more than anything else I have written. It's the first book I've written that I've always known I wanted to write. Having said that, it also kept me awake at nights.

I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.

I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.

I don't know what people who I've never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things - but I'm proud of the fact I've remained close to everyone I've ever worked with.

I don't consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.

Comedy will always be central to what I do, it's just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.

And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.

Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.

If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.

That's what keeps me up at three in the morning: Who's looking at reviews of Cabin Boy right now?

Somehow, by just continually pestering the general public by appearing on television, they accepted me and wanted more.

I'm not a competitive person.

I think the whole idea of me was that I wasn't going to be but that I wanted to be, desperately.

I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night.

I don't get offered many dramatic roles. As soon as my face pops up in a movie, everyone knows I'm the funny guy.