But I don't think I was ever destined to be a big star.
I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.
I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.
I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.
I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
I don't think I'm successful.
I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
I can't tan naturally.
I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.
I can't sing.
I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.
I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.
I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.
I am best viewed from a distance... and at night.
I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.
For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.
Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.
As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.
After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.
I am best viewed from a distance.
As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.
I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.
You can (be a middle-aged comic) if you work very hard at it, because comedy is really hard.
The world is infinitely more complex than it appeared to me 15 years ago.
I've become a much more serious young insect.
I didn't like the nervous tension of being a public person.
