Comedian Quotes

I think abortion is murder.

I stayed a virgin until I was 23. I didn't do drugs or drink or smoke.

I remember going to church about four times a week. I liked it a lot.

I cried when I heard Johnny Carson died.

I always wanted to be on a sitcom.

I always dreamed of being Maria in The Sound of Music.

But if you believe in Christ and that your main goal with your life is supposed to be to honor Him and do His will, then you don't have as much pressure as someone who bases all their happiness on whether they're a movie star.

Are Christians too stupid that we can't write a script, we can't film a movie OR we don't know how to act?

They're desperately searching for meaning in their lives but they will not crack the Bible open.

Sometimes I like to vent.

It doesn't make your life stop being fun to be a Christian.

I got a gymnastics scholarship to college, fell in love with my true love of my whole life - who I'm married to now - and he was a virgin too. It was very romantic.

Because I hate fake people and I always think I'm never fake.

I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I thi

I'm a one-man idiot.

I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.

I don't believe that competitions are important.

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.