Author Quotes

It's awfully easy to be in love in jail.

I've been as bad an influence on American literature as anyone I can think of.

I like women. I really like women.

I haven't any sort of plans for the future but I reckon things will work out in some manner.

I don't know much about him; never heard him say more than nope or yup.

Another man whose social life has ruined him.

You got to look on the bright side, even if there ain't one.

I have not killed anyone. They will not let me.

Feed the lettuce to the bunny and eat the bunny.

I deserve all the love you can spare me. And I want a lot more than I deserve.

The meaning of the Street in all ways and at all times is the need for sharing life with others and the search for community.

Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.

The role of a do-gooder is not what actors call a fat part.

The English never smash in a face. They merely refrain from asking it to dinner.

Some persons talk simply because they think sound is more manageable than silence.

In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.

I was well warned about English food, so it did not surprise me, but I do wonder sometimes, how they ever manage to prise it up long enough to get a plate under it.

He has the common feeling of his profession. He enjoys a statement twice as much if it appears in fine print, and anything that turns up in a footnote... takes on the character of divine revelation.

Bulldogs have been known to fall on their swords when confronted by my superior tenacity.

Humility is not my forte, and whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.

The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He's not the obvious choice for anything, but he always brings something special to it.

My dad is awesome.

I was an angst-y journal writing kid.

I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.

I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.

I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him.

I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever.

Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.

Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read.

There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.