There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.
During the work, you have to be sure that you haven't left any holes, that you've captured everything, because afterwards it will be too late.
I have to be very careful, however, because I have no intention of providing an excuse for this behavior. It's an attempt to explain how so many women come from backgrounds where the pressure to be a good mother is so severe that if they can't do it, something really snaps.