American Quotes

People's lives are boring.

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.

My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.

I'm a terrible golfer.

I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.

I still love comic books. When you have a kid, that's an excuse to keep reading all the comic books.

I only get unusual ailments.

I never imagined being on television.

I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie?

I have like fifteen televisions in my house.

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.

I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.

I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid.

I describe myself as a human being.

I can't be as flip as I once was.

At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes.

Almost every week, someone's mad at me.

When you're starting out as an actor, you keep raising the stakes. First, you just want to be a character who comes on stage and gets a laugh or two and exits. Just five minutes on a stage, not even Broadway. But every time you say your little prayer at night, you place more demands.

It's funny because all through the '80s I didn't do TV and movies very much. I prided myself that I was making a living in the theater.

I've always been slightly self-conscious as an actor, and I guess that sometimes reads as pomposity. Starting when I was 30, I somehow gave off an impression at an audition that had them mentally put me in a three-piece suit or put an attache case in my hand. If there was a stiff-guy part, the direc

I didn't want to break with my family. I wasn't about to make waves. But I had this feeling I wanted to do something that I liked to do. Acting's what I liked to do most. There must have been a moment when I felt, 'Oh, my God, I like this and what am I going to do about it?'

I come from a wonderful family. My mother was a pianist and my father was a salesman. They were very middle-class, very middle-Western.

I came out of school just at the time regional theater was first expanding. All of a sudden, lots of new companies needed actors.

Frankly, to be honest, I hadn't worked for two years before 'Murphy Brown.' It's a nice illusion now to think of all of us as terribly successful and talented people at the top of our profession, but that's hindsight. I had to pray for a job like this.

The artist I wanna be like is Michael Jackson. I'll get the house with the roller coaster and the rides and a disco, and I'll invite all my friends and just stay at home.