Jimmy Kimmel Quotes

The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.

Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.

People's lives are boring.

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.

My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.

I'm a terrible golfer.

I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.

I still love comic books. When you have a kid, that's an excuse to keep reading all the comic books.

I only get unusual ailments.

I never imagined being on television.

I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie?

I have like fifteen televisions in my house.

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.

I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.

I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid.

I describe myself as a human being.

I can't be as flip as I once was.

At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes.

Almost every week, someone's mad at me.