Larry David Quotes

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.