Funny Quotes

I wish I had a funny story.

And of course Marc Cherry heightens it and makes it hilarious. But there's so many universal themes in the show, and he made it so funny. We knew he was onto something if he could keep it up and, thankfully, he did.

I make these little films. I'm just a working person. I just study people a little bit more. It's more sociological, and it's funny anyway - not that serious. It's not like false humility. I just take it for what it is.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

What you do with it and things like that, but I basically chose this after I read it because I thought it was different and funny and unique and dark - things that I like to do.

Well, you know, I feel like it's about a lot of things. The reason that I made it was because I thought it was really funny and unique and just a different genre.

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

I never saw myself as a comedian. I saw myself as a guy who can act funny.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

I like reading Ball Tongue lyrics and all that stuff. And they published a book, and I wouldn't give my lyrics, and it's all wrong in the book, and I giggle. It's funny.

Being funny, it turns out, is like being a bank. It's a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you, you are fine.

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now I realize that laughter can come from insecurity. They don't know how they should be feeling.

It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I play a female Indiana Jones, a professor who hunts down precious objects, like a bowl that belonged to the Buddha. They tailored the role to me: I wanted to be smart, funny, and to kick some ass.

I don't need to convince anybody that I know kung fu, but maybe somebody needs to know that I really can act, without doing a Chinese accent or a funny walk.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting people in Washington. He is smart, funny, and interesting.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.