Actor Quotes

I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.

'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.

But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.

Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.

After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine.

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why now?' It's nothing I ever aspired to.

People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it.

It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do.

It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with.

In my wildest dreams I never thought - well, I never thought I'd work.

Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.

You need to feed yourself with emotions and life or you'll become empty.