American Quotes

I have seen some crazy people do some crazy things on my variety show. I have to stop and ask them a lot of the time, just how they figured out that they could do the things that they do, some of it is just plain freaky.

I'm not really a relationship expert but ...I'm an expert on manhood and what men think.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.

How can smart women be so stupid about men sometimes? Lack of knowledge. It's what men have kept secret for so long.

A guy that's really serious about you, he's gotta be talking to you, he's gotta want to have one-on-one, in-your-face interaction. That's how we are.

Women are the real reason we get up every day. I'm talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I'm hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

Every pessimist who ever lived has been buried in an unmarked grave. Tomorrow has always been better than today, and it always will be.

I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist.

Retiring is just practicing up to be dead. That doesn't take any practice.

I am fiercely loyal to those willing to put their money where my mouth is.

Dependency arguments often come from elites - either aid agencies or governments - and say something about attitudes to poor people.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five.

Now you know the rest of the story.

Like what you do, if you don't like it, do something else.

When your outgo exceeds your income, the upshot may be your downfall.

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?

Well it seems to me, that all real communities grow out of a shared confrontation with survival. Communities are not produced by sentiment or mere goodwill. They grow out of a shared struggle. Our situation in the desert is an incubator for community.

We take people to the threshold of religion. Our aim is to induce immediate experience that is beyond the odd, beyond the strange, and beyond the weird. It verges on the wholly other.

Kleenex would have made a mint today.

It avoids a self-conscious relationship to the act. We live in the most self-conscious society in the history of mankind. There are good things in that, but there are also terrible things. The worst of it is, that we find it hard to give ourselves to the cultural process.

Black Rock gives us all a chance to heal, to become ourselves.

Belief is thought at rest.

They become the keepers of the mystery. They place themselves between the communicants of the religion, and the immediate experience. And then they dictate the terms on which you can have contact with this wonderful mystery. We don't dictate those terms.