Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial.
“My husband was an Air Force pilot man years ago and recently an Air Force wife thanked me for my service! I laughed and said, 'No, I wasn't in the Air Force, my husband was!' And she smiled and said, 'If he served, you served. And thank you.'”
“In England, I'm a horror movie director. In Germany, I'm a filmmaker. In the US, I'm a bum.”