The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.
There's something very addictive about people pleasing. It's a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate.
I think all of those things, but certainly the booze really brought out the really unreasonable side of me, and I just didn't want to revisit that place again.