I always buy the smaller turkeys. On the pre-baste put pats of butter on the meat under the skin, put the skin back on, put a bunch of seasoning on the top, call it a day, put it in the oven. With a 10 - 12 pound turkey you are done in a couple of hours.
If you're truly in a band and you guys have been together for a long time, there's a family bond that you have. In fact, I've talked about this with therapists, especially if you're talking about a relationship, because when you're with somebody, you're going to your family, and she's alone.