I really don't know how to be anyone else, and whenever I try to be anyone else, I fail miserably. Or I disappoint myself. It doesn't build my self-esteem, and it doesn't help me grow me at all.
That's sort of what I felt... I miss drinking, I thought bars were truly holy places.
Thoughts would go in and out of my mind, but I didn't want to believe that he could have done it.