I also had this artist friend who'd paint butterflies and things like that on my head.
Some times you lose more than you win. It's about handling losses and trying to turn them into positives. You get out into the big leagues and there's a period of adjustment to be made. You've got to handle it.
I have a grim outlook on the world, and in particular on humanity. Spent years denying it, but I am very misanthropic. And I live alone on a mountain for a reason.