Life - and I don't suppose I'm the first to make this comparison - is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.
Critics? How do they happen? I know how it happened to me. I would send a poem or story to a magazine and they would say this doesn't suit our needs precisely but on the other hand you sound interesting. Would you be interested in doing a review?
Oh heck yeah, I totally would love to have a Phantom Dennis in real life.