Tape is wonderful at preserving evidence - fingerprints, hairs, fibers. Tape preserves this, especially on the sticky side, even if the body's been out there for a year.
I don't want anything to do with anything mechanical between me and the paper, including a typewriter, and I don't even want a fountain pen between me and the paper.
I'm not qualified for anything else, so I would imagine I'd either be doing something larcenous or I would have already been caught.

