I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between.
I never lose that terror of 'this is my last job, I'll never work again.' You can never relax and rely on whatever reputation you've built.
He was afflicted by the thought that where Beauty was, nothing ever ran quite straight, which no doubt, was why so many people looked on it as immoral.