I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
“You know how you wake up in the morning and sometimes you look gorgeous and other times you look like you got hit by a mack truck? I realized that my mack truck is food. If I have no sugar, yeast or wine, I have no undereye bags and my skin is perfect.”