Because I tried to everything possible to become the best player in the world? Do I believe steroids and growth hormones helped me achieve that? Yes. Were there a lot of other players doing it that I had to compete against? Yes.
I need to start honing in on projects that I want to devote my time to and not put my energies into the unattainable ones.
I try to write parts for women that are as complicated and interesting as women actually are.