You're just sort of searching for this 'thing' and sometimes you get it and sometimes you don't. All music is imperfect, but in jazz since you're improvising, at least the way I play, I'm trying to follow my train of thought in a solo.
“Design works if it's authentic, inspired, and has a clear point of view. It can't be a collection of input.”
“Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face.”