“After I quote unquote came out as a Republican, one of my dearest gay friends said to me, 'You've got to go on a T.V. show and tell everyone you like gay people.' I was like, 'Why?' He was like, 'Because you're a Republican.' I was like, 'I'm sorry who's stereotyping who?'”
“One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought you ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.”