Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.
“If ever I needed an eight foot putt, and everything I owned depended on it, I would want Arnold Palmer to putt for me.”
“Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.”