My mother speaks of my step being a source of life-long pain to her, that it is a living death, etc. By the same post I had several letters from anxious relatives, telling me that it was my duty to come home and thus ease my mother's anxiety.
It's hard, or you wouldn't like it. A lot of coaches really don't like what they're doing.
What a country needs to do is be fair to all its citizens - whether people are of a different ethnicity or gender.