The problem in defense is how far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without.
Every writer hopes or boldly assumes that his life is in some sense exemplary, that the particular will turn out to be universal.
It was quite a ride and very conflicting for me, too - to be nominated for an Oscar, to be straight and healthy, and to be getting all these accolades while these people around me were suffering and dying from AIDS.