Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
If there's a heaven upon the earth, a fellow knows it when He's been away from home a week, and then gets back again.

