And it should be the law: If you use the word 'paradigm' without knowing what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions.
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I always buy the smaller turkeys. On the pre-baste put pats of butter on the meat under the skin, put the skin back on, put a bunch of seasoning on the top, call it a day, put it in the oven. With a 10 - 12 pound turkey you are done in a couple of hours.
I don't get many hecklers now but answering them is an art form in itself.

