I dislike the word 'victim.' I dislike being told that I 'lost' my husband - as if I had idly abandoned you by the side of the railway track like an unwanted pair of old shoes.
If you do not know how to ask the right question, you discover nothing.
Try to realize it's all within yourself no one else can make you change, and to see you're only very small and life flows on within you and without you.